Dog, part two

My little Conehead's biopsy results came back this morning.

I am happy to report that her tumor came back as being a benign adenoma, and we will be replacing her knees in the coming months.

But first, heres how this went down:

Me: (Seeing the vet's number flash on my cell phone display) Oh God... [hyperventillates; runs from lab]

Vet: Hi, it's Dr. Vet, Im calling with Dog's biopsy results...

Me: Oh God, please dont tell me anything if she has cancer; just hang up on me.

Vet: Oh, no no.... her results came back fine. The tumor was just a large adenoma. The lab reports that its entirely benign. She's going to be just fine. How are her stitches?

Me: Her what?

Needless to say, I managed to devolve into a blubbery mess within a manner of seconds. I was overwhelmed by relief that Dog is going to be just fine once her knees are fixed. I have this tendency to jump immediately to the worst possible outcome, just as a defense method, so that when something NOT the worst possible outcome happens, Im always relieved. It takes a lot out of me. I feel like I might pass out right now, but that would not be appreciated by the audit team thats walking through the lab right now... :)

Dog

My dog has had surgery on her rear end in order to remove a tumor. Poor thing is wearing a cone of shame around her neck that prevents her sniffing or licking her incision. However, this annoying piece of plastic also prevents her from:

*Going up stairs

*Going down stairs

*Eating or drinking

*Sleeping

*Sniffing my other dog for doggie socializing


She's thankfully heavily sedated. And on pain killers. The way she keeps bumping into stuff (chairs, walls, the back of my knees...) she's going to have a killer headache when the cone comes off. Stitches are out at the end of next week; I'll hear about the tumor biopsy results by the end of this week. Keep fingers crossed that she will be okay.

If she is okay, her knees will be replaced. So long, Hawaii; it was a nice dream while it lasted.

Rant-o-riffic

Im gonna go off a little bit right here, because I am at the end of my rope.

A few weeks ago, I mentioned in a post about a former friend who sent me a ridiculous number of emails and texts and phonecalls and blah blah blah without getting any sort of response from me. I did this because I very clearly told her I DO NOT WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND ANYMORE. I do not know how much more clear I could be.

And for a while, all things were good. She seemed to get the point.

...and then the emails started again.

This is when I start to lose my sh*t because I have in no way encouraged this. Insane people just seem to magically find me. It happens to me with boyfriends, with lab partners, and now people I used to work with at a job I no longer have. I wonder, Am I a crazy people magnet? Or is there a reason insanity really likes me?

I knew once this woman sent me one email -about a fricken road race of all things- I knew others would follow. I had that familiar sense of sick dread. You know the one-- the one where you stomach gets all gnarly and it feels like your bellybutton is gonna collapse into your butt. There was the random recipe. Then there was the unsolicited training update. And finally, there was an animated .gif of some small child being runover by a dog. These, being sent to my work email, cannot be blocked because I am an Outlook Explorer retard who can't figure out how to make "rules" and have certain email addresses blocked or designated immediately as trash.

I have ducked and hidden and sneaked around work to avoid having to interact with her. I know this is immature. I simply do not care. I see her in the cafe, and I whip around and go back from whence I came in order to avoid her. Shes not a bad person, she's just a psycho who doesn't understand boundaries. This sucks when it happens, but it sucks worse at the workplace because unless I change companies (which, HA! in this economy), I have to continue risking an encounter.

 I would rather risk an encounter with a bear.
Or an alien.
Or a really big spider. (And I hate those!)
I could go on. But I won't. I just wish there was some sort of spray, like Psycho Repellant, that would keep Crazy People away.

September

Now that the dust has settled, the pieces are starting to fall back into place after the most recent round of layoffs here at work. Its been quite a change, and definitely not one Im entirely thrilled by. JL and JN were let go, and my boss is leaving voluntarily. So, two of my favorite coworkers ever and the best boss Ive yet to have are gone. The lab is now shorthanded, and theres been an influx of work to conduct; plus they're looking to ramp up manufacturing downstairs for some product or another.

Having had some time to look at the choices that were made by HR, I have to question: why were these two let go?  The only reason I can come up with is the price of their salaries. However, they were two of the best people we had--- and I mean, the company got its moneys worth from them. No resting on their laurels for them.

The point being, the transition phase has been hard on those of us remaining. I spoke with JL and JN a few days ago, and theyre both really, truly happy to be free of this place. Their attitudes are remarkable, and I am jealous of their freedom. I feel fortunate to have a job, but I am envious of their 6 months free from work related stress.

Hello, August

Thank goodness August is here. This summer has been lost to me due to class, and with the advent of August, I have only two weeks more to go. Then, I can enjoy the delicious last gasp that is the last few weeks of summer free of class and free of homework. I might actually make it to the beach before midnight.

As I mentioned, this summer has been lost to me. The EMT-B class Ive been taking has been seriously draining. All spare moments not at work, have been devoted to this class. The worst part is that we're almost double the amount of time required by the state for certification. It has been extended for only-God knows what reason--- maybe the instructor's bored or lonely. I really dont care to speculate because all I know is that its killed my summer.

Some difficulties at work have sent me searching for another employer. Im sick of dealing with the wierd BS reasons Ive been reprimanded (putting down my honest results). I might be fired, but at least I know that I did what was right and honest. While Im not thrilled with this prospect, I will manage and it wont be the end of the world. All it does is cement my desire to leave and move to Hawaii.

Starting From Zero

I had surgery in the very early part of 2010 on my left knee. I had been ordered by my surgeon to stay off of it in August of '09, and a week after the incisions were made, she told me to stay off of it until July except for walking around associated with working. Emphatically: NO RUNNING until July.

Well, July is here. I started "running" again on the first day I was allowed to, and it felt heinous. Mentally, I know I am capable of faster, longer, easier runs than what I have been doing, so it has been grueling to stick to slow paces and short distances as I work back to where I was. Not entirely sure that I'll ever get back there, but I am trying.

Unfortunately, the going is slow, as is necessitated by the nature of my original injury and consequential surgery. I am thrilled to be up to 2 miles. I wish it were 22, but, its not. In the process of returning to my higher mileage/faster paced runs, Ill be learning how to lift again.

Lots of work in front of me. Im not too thrilled, but not too intimidated. I really enjoy a challenge, but this seems a little daunting.

Bummin'

After graduating with a B.S. in microbiology in 2006, I dreamt of attending the University of Hawaii at Manoa. I applied and was ready to go when they notified me that I had been declined admissions because my institution had sent the wrong person's transcripts to them not once, but twice. It took me a long time to move on, but I had to; I got a job, I got an apartment, I started a life.

The way things are right now, I am not guaranteed a job. (Not that I ever was.) It looks more and more certain that I will be laid off shortly, which is why the EMT-Basic program is a good thing. It allows me a chance to learn a new skill that I can use in the event that I lose my job.

The master plan since, oh, 2008, was to get to Hawaii. I am currently still on the east coast, and am exploring the possibility and realities of living there when I return in the fall. A big part of  that plan was to work as an EMT until I find something that pays better, and go back to school.

Well, today whilst I was perusing the UH website, I stumbled across the tuition rate. I probably should have checked that out earlier and all, but I didnt. Now it feels as if I have been kicked in the kidneys. I can literally feel my dreams slipping out of my fingers. I am really, truly bummed out. The cost is out of my range, unless I marry someone with deep pockets who wants to send me to school. It would be easier to just give up, and I am feeling like that might be the option I go with. I am already living with a lot of regret--- what's one more?

My finances are a shambles already, though theyre not nearly as bad as some people's. Im grateful for everything and everyone I have in my life; I just wonder if its enough for me to be happy with?