Bummin'

After graduating with a B.S. in microbiology in 2006, I dreamt of attending the University of Hawaii at Manoa. I applied and was ready to go when they notified me that I had been declined admissions because my institution had sent the wrong person's transcripts to them not once, but twice. It took me a long time to move on, but I had to; I got a job, I got an apartment, I started a life.

The way things are right now, I am not guaranteed a job. (Not that I ever was.) It looks more and more certain that I will be laid off shortly, which is why the EMT-Basic program is a good thing. It allows me a chance to learn a new skill that I can use in the event that I lose my job.

The master plan since, oh, 2008, was to get to Hawaii. I am currently still on the east coast, and am exploring the possibility and realities of living there when I return in the fall. A big part of  that plan was to work as an EMT until I find something that pays better, and go back to school.

Well, today whilst I was perusing the UH website, I stumbled across the tuition rate. I probably should have checked that out earlier and all, but I didnt. Now it feels as if I have been kicked in the kidneys. I can literally feel my dreams slipping out of my fingers. I am really, truly bummed out. The cost is out of my range, unless I marry someone with deep pockets who wants to send me to school. It would be easier to just give up, and I am feeling like that might be the option I go with. I am already living with a lot of regret--- what's one more?

My finances are a shambles already, though theyre not nearly as bad as some people's. Im grateful for everything and everyone I have in my life; I just wonder if its enough for me to be happy with?